Being a Tourist Part II: After Dark

We ventured out one night in Beijing to see what happens after dark on Wangfujing Street. Usually nothing good happens after a certain time at night, and Beijing is no different. We chose to avoid trouble and had a good time.

About $4 gets you a taste. Pictures are free...if you're quick.

Mom pretended she didn't want to shop, but then she saw this alley and Dad's wallet came out.

If you don't like the price, walk away. They got the same stuff next door.

This was her first taste of bargaining, and she did pretty good but maybe left some money on the table. By the end of their visit she had it all figured out though. After she had her fill of China souvenirs, we found a street specializing in street food. They had everything from scorpion on a stick to simple dumplings. Truly something for everyone, but we were all stuffed full of Beijing duck from earlier in the night.

Near the hotel was a church, and in front of that church everyone was gathered doing everything. There was a choir singing hymns, a soloist singing opera, ballroom dancers and some hooligans practicing their break dancing. Unfortunately, none of those pictures turned out due to low light. You'll just have to use your imagination about a place where those things are all happening in close quarters.

This Ain't No Cuban

I've been hosting some US based coworkers this week, and doing so always involves a trip into old town to shop for cheap souvenirs the expats call "China junk." It's the same stuff everywhere: silk, bags, watches, green tea, embroidery and these things:

When it comes to China junk, bargaining is half the fun and sometimes it's all the fun. The value really isn't high but they are the sort of goods that are unique enough to bring back to the states to prove you really went.

The seller noticed our honest uncertainty about buying shady looking cigars and sweetened the deal without even asking. She threw in a free smoke to make it 4 for a buck-fifty. SOLD!

Upon closer inspection, I found some sort of light colored material wrapped in a leaf - presumably a tobacco leaf. The smell wasn't like a cigarette and certainly wasn't anything like a cigar. The label featured an elephant and some writing that wasn't Chinese or English. A true mystery!

At home on the balcony I wasn't sure if I'd get high or worse. Nonetheless, I blazed one and saw no hallucinations but I did find a harsh taste. It wasn't entirely unpleasant and not really very good at the same time. An earthy taste, something like tobacco with a hint of burning paper. I doused it after a few puffs, went inside and ripped one apart - starting at the mouthpiece.

Under the leaf wrapper I found a layer of newspaper surrounding a substance that resembles the stuff you peal off corn cobs and tamales. It looked like they wrapped corn husk with paper, then covered it with a tobacco leaf. Intrigued, I investigated further.

The portion I burned didn't include any newspaper or corn husk. I was happy about that. Apparently, the paper and corn husk act as a filter of sorts - while not actually a filter, it's something too keep the finely shredded filling in place. The portion I smoked include bits of shredded tobacco leaf and.....wait for it.....wood. Little pieces of wood. That explained the flavor.

And such is the story of my most recent cultural experience. Will I do it again? No. Do I regret it? Not at all.

Sink Swimming She Loves It

 Not long after MJ was born, Clif's coworker also had a baby. He was sharing some pictures, when Clif noticed something odd: the baby went swimming immediately after birth...and not the normal grunge rock album cover style of infant swimming. When asked about it, the coworker explained they go every week and it's good exercise for the baby.

Update: Buoyancy helps reduce the amount of weight suspended from the baby's neck - like how you feel weightless while swimming under water. It is a specially designed inner-tube and it mostly just keeps the baby upright with head above water.

About the same time, Shayne had a reunion with all her classmates from the prenatal classes. They all brought new babies to show off and brag. The teacher asked if any had tried the Chinese swimming yet. Nobody had...

Saturday we put on our brave faces and did it. We went to the store, walked up to the worker, made the international hand signal for "swimming" and pointed at the baby. Before we could blink, MJ was naked with an inner-tube around her neck and swimming circles in a specially built sink! Check out the video:


I know it looks bizarre, and maybe a little cruel. She never cried, screamed or showed signs of anguish. If anything, she totally loved it. She kicked around for about 10 to 15 minutes, which is about how long she's willing to do anything. Then we dressed her up and paid the bill.

I think we'll go back for more, maybe even see if this can be done in our bath tube.

The Chinese Leisure Position

Shayne and I have noticed something peculiar. People in China lounge around in the strangest position. They seem perfectly comfortable, causing us to coin the phrase "Chinese leisure position." They can maintain this position for hours on end and often prefer it over standing or sitting. Truly mind-boggling...but I suppose doing this every day will train the body.

At left you can see me doing a second rate job of demonstrating the position. The key things to notice are flat feet and arms tight to the body. The position is far more comfortable on the balls of your feet with arms extended, but that isn't authentic. People in this position often wear dress shoes, and I find the slightly elevated heal helps maintain balance.

Also in the picture, you see me perched next to a ledge. Such a place would seem to be a perfect place for sitting...but not in China. It is common to see people squatting like this on perfectly good sittin' spots such as retaining walls, benches, curbs and even chairs.


Below you can see a professional. This gentleman has his arms tucked between his torso and thighs. Also notice how low his butt is...a truly impressive display. Go a head and try it right now, I bet you can't do it for one minute.

Zhège My Nàgè

Something about Mandarin was at first uncomfortable and still pricks my ear. I'm trying to write about it now and it is making me uneasy. But this is a blog read by mature people who do not make crude jokes or laugh about racial tension, so I think it's safe to proceed.

First you have to know about pinyin. Pinyin is a way to help Western people pronounce Mandarin Chinese words by using Latin letters instead of Chinese characters. Pinyin is also used as the input mode for computers and cell phones because a keyboard with all the characters would be enormous.

If you know how to read pinyin, you have a foot in the door and can at least pronounce words correctly. In this post, I'll teach you two words: this and that.

• The translation for "that" is 那个. In pinyin those characters are "nàgè." With normal English pronunciation it sounds something like "nah geh."
• The translation for "this" is 这个. In pinyin, you spell it "zhège." One of the peculiarities of pinyin, is that the "zh" sounds a little like the letter "j." So zhège sounds like "jeh geh."

Yes Ned, he diddly did

Still with me? Good, this is where it gets uncomfortable.....In day-to-day use, people pronounce those words as "nigga" and "jigga."

To make things worse, they often say "nàgè" repeatedly to fill space while they're thinking...sort of like stuttering or saying "uuuuummm." The result is disturbing to the Western ear and I hear it about 4-5 times per hour at the office. Even now I go on high alert every time someone says "nigga nigga nigga"








If you don't mind other offensive language, you can hear some great examples by clicking this link. This guy is spot on. Please make sure the children can't hear.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTk2WkRMLzg

Let's Play a Game, It's Called "Did He Eat It?"

This pigeon "messed" it's last statue

We're only three months deep in this China adventure thingy. Already I've compiled the following list of bizarre (to me) items that have been presented as food. For brevity's sake, I'm only including dishes that have actually been served - I'm excluding dishes simply seen on the menu and a couple restaurants I won't go near.

Don't worry about eating it all, they have more in the back.

See if you can guess which ones landed in Clif's belly, and on which ones he passed.

1. Tofu
2. Pig ear
3. Asian carp
4. Fish on a stick (pictured above)
5. Pig colon
6. Silk worms (pictured below)
7. Donkey meat dumplings
8. Chicken feet, in BBQ sauce
9. Pigeon (pictured at top)
10. Pig hoof
11. Bamboo
12. Frog (legs et. al.)
13. Fried silver fish
14. Bone marrow

A slightly stringy texture

Have your answers locked in? Lets see how you did

1. Tofu - Ok this was a slow pitch to get things started. I had tofu in the States, but I've had much, much, much more here - nearly every day at work.
   
2. Pig ear - Ate it on one of my first days in the office, while still feeling somewhat adventurous. Tasted like bacon, but with a texture reminiscent of rubber bands. I won't do it again.
3. Asian carp - Partook in this many times and it actually tastes very good. It's a real pain in the butt to eat around all the bones so I only do this in emergencies.
4. Fish on a stick (pictured above) - Not only was it laying around outdoors but it was fish on a fother-mucking stick. NO WAY.
   
5. Pig colon - It touched my tongue and I knew instantly something was going horribly wrong. I was told after dinner what it was and will keep a vigilant lookout for it in the future.
6. Silk worms (pictured below) - Big pass with no regrets.  Just look at it!
7. Donkey meat dumplings - I was kind of tricked into eating this one. My coworkers know I like dumplings so they ordered two plates: one with beef and one with donkey meat. I didn't mind it, tasted like corned beef.
8. Chicken feet, in BBQ sauce - This one I thought for sure I'd be able to do, but when it was sitting on my plate I "chickened" out.
9. Pigeon (pictured at top) - I was told about pigeon being good, so I sought this one out and will do it again. I figured it would taste like dove, but the taste reminded me of turkey.
10. Pig hoof - Pass....that stuff is for dogs
11. Bamboo - Another slow pitch, baby bamboo shoots are double super tasty-tasty
    
12. Frog (legs et. al.) - Imagine a bull frog passed through a box fan. Throw in some rice and you'll have a picture of what I did not eat.
    
13. Fried silver fish - I ate these accidentally because I didn't look close enough. They look a lot like noodles, but eventually you'll notice those "noodles" have eyes. Didn't taste bad, but I was creeped out by their sneakiness and couldn't eat more.
14. Bone marrow - I was given a bone, a plastic straw and a demonstration. I opted out of this, but couldn't help but laugh when the straw made the same sound it would in an empty cup. If given a second chance, I may rethink.

Tid Bits

Just a few pictures of things around China....

Ever wonder where your tea leaves come from?  On our weekend trip with Clif's work we were in a mountainous region and you would see these clear cut, terraced sides of the hills.  Many times you could see people way up in between the rows picking leaves, we believe.  I also can't seem to locate the pictures, but the hills we also dotted with tombs that were decorated with flowers and ribbons. There did seem to be an official grave yard, just random groups of tombs here and there in the sides of the hills. 

Dunkn' Donuts are not hard to come by here in Suzhou, but I am not sure the selection is quite as appetizing as back in the States.

Something else I find interesting about life here...
In Suzhou there are no parking meters, instead there are these workers dressed in grey at about every city block where parking is available.  Their job is to take money from the people who want to park alongside the road. I suppose this is a better job than having to sweet the roads with twig-ish brooms.

Chinese Road Construction

Imagine you left your comfortable westernized bubble. You're on a bus traveling in the Chinese back-country, en route to an unknown destination on a trip leg of known length. You're on the final day of a three day excursion, in which relaxation is tough for westerners. You haven't seen a fork since you left and you're even debating the merits of "squatty potties."

Then you pull of the expressway and you see this:

The road to Yaolin Wonderland was not present under construction. It was replaced with a bumpy 5mph off-road bus ride, sometimes through backyards. That didn't stop the bus parade as thousands of people crept their way through the town, to be "ooo'ed and ahhh'ed" in the cave.

I guess an attraction that hosts tens of thousands of people per day should have some decent infrastructure. I suppose that infrastructure needs to be fixed up from time to time. The price to pay is slight inconvenience now...reap the rewards later.

Beautiful Screeching Sounds

So I'm sitting there on the lake front, minding my own business. Trying to enjoy my candy-coated-mystery-fruit-on-a-stick^TM and this guy sneaks in from behind, cranks the volume to 11 and disturbs my peace.






What a wonderfully effective method of removing westerners from your personal space. These sorts of sounds are better appreciated from a safe distance.

And once you find out how far is safe, it's really something worth appreciating.

One, Two, Three, Cheese!

What is it about driver's licenses, passport pictures and identification badges? I've never taken a good one and the latest is no exception. With the upward perspective of short people, a cheesy grin and extended neck, this one ranks in the top three worst all time. At least these don't resemble a mug shot like my last batch.

Why do they bother counting to three? Just surprise me and get it over with.