Happy Easter

On Easter morning, the sun rose and a seaward breeze blew the smog away. It was a perfect day to take M out in her Easter outfit for some pictures under a blue bird sky. Spring is underway in Suzhou!

Advanced warning: if you get sick of seeing other people's babies this post isn't for you. Maybe you'd like some content oriented towards adults.

Such days are boring.

Sometimes it rains all day and we're stuck inside. Such days are boring.

Tongli (feat. China Sex Culture Museum)

Clif took a vacation day and we visited Tongli to celebrate his birthday. That was a few weeks ago and what started as laziness turned into forgetfulness with regards to writing this blog post. But fear not, here is a much needed update so you can "keep up."

Tongli is a little touristy town located within the city of Suzhou. Even though we live in the same "city," it took around 45 minutes to drive there from our home. This is because Chinese "cities" are more like what Americans consider counties....it's all just semantics but saying something is in Suzhou doesn't really tell you much other than it's west of Shanghai and east of Wuxi.

Mr. Wang took us to a parking lot and pointed toward a building, which was labeled as the ticket office. We asked for "liang ge" tickets and received two in exchange for 200RMB. After that, the clerk took on an inquisitive look and pointed at an English sign that read something like "storage car battery: 5RMB." We didn't know what that meant, so we declined. She nodded and pointed down the road in the direction we should walk.

These birds dive under water and bring back fish to the owner

We walked down the road in the direction she suggested and quickly realized we had no idea what was going on. We expected an ancient village and canals lined with cobble stone walk ways. What we found was a modern city that is representative of almost all Chinese cities. Luckily we noticed some green golf carts shuttling white people around, so we followed them on foot for about 2 miles.

Eventually we got to the gate of the ancient part of town where a security guard checked our tickets. Outside the gate was a "storage battery car shuttle stop" where the green carts were dropping people off...and we learned that a "storage battery car" was a shuttle and we should have paid 5RMB to save wear and tear on our shoes.

One of the big Tongli attractions is the China Sex Culture Museum, so naturally we headed straight for that. Well actually we didn't go straight there, it was more of a zig-zag because we didn't know where it was. Actually we could see it on the map, but we couldn't see ourselves on the map.

While it might sound like a pornographic type place, it was actually fairly educational. Inside they had a huge collection of artifacts, artworks and ancient...ahem...tools - most of those wooden.

Click for more pixels only if you appreciate art

Another valuable lesson for anyone following our footsteps is that the China Sex Museum bathrooms are markedly clean by local standards....and perhaps bathrooms such as those are worth the 20RMB entry fee even if you don't poke around the exhibit.

Siddhārtha? Is that you?

The Sex Culture Museum was extremely interesting. It took a while to meander through the displays and I took a lot of pictures even though the signs forbid pictures. But this is China and people here don't follow rules. So many pictures in fact that the camera battery died and we didn't have any juice to take pictures during the rest of our day in Tongli's other areas.

Best job ever?

Unfortunately, most of the pictures are a little X-Rated and I shouldn't put them here. So if you're interested, come over and we'll show them....there are a couple really interesting ones.

Prostitute's bed on the left, sex chair on the right.

After the museum, we were hungry and a friend recommended a little coffee shop that was high priced and westernized. Which means it wouldn't be crowded and somehow we actually found it quickly among the maze of walking streets. We paid way too much for a couple slices of ham, cheese and a too much mayonnaise on croissant roll...but it was good and MJ got to stretch her legs a bit.

MJ emerges from the baby backpack cocoon and begins to wake up

From the seat, we looked out the window and saw a fairly typical sight. This woman was selling random crap that apparently people buy. We see little shops like this everywhere, and we always see little kids playing with those toys nearby. They stand there waiting for people to walk by, and when someone does they pick up a do-dad and demonstrate it's function while yelling.

Awaiting the next passers by

Business was slow, so this woman took a moment to clean her dishes in the super clean canal water. And by super clean, I mean not as polluted as the water near our home..

Here is the final lesson for other people who go to Tongli. Don't bring a stroller! They are a pain on the rough streets and you have to lift them over steps and door sills everywhere. We were happy to also have the baby backpack to keep from shaking MJ too much on the street, but we still had to drag the stroller around.

But having an empty stroller provided some humor. Chinese people LOVE to look at white babies and when they see the stroller they always rubber neck to see her. Almost everyone was so focused on sneaking a peak into the stroller, they failed to spot the baby strapped to Shayne. And when they realized the stroller was empty, they were always shocked and sometimes gasped in confusion. "Why are these laowai pushing an empty stroller?"

These fancy doors where everywhere

We also visited one ancient residence that had been ruined during the cultural revolution because the government used it as a stable. In recent years it has been rebuilt and restored to "it's original beauty."

This is the ceiling of a stage, the round part is about ten feet in diameter.

Tongli is a very interesting place. It's quite large and we spent a day and didn't see much of it - we'd love to go back. Next time we'll pay for the "storage battery car" and we'll leave the stroller at home. We might even pay 20RMB again to use a proper pisser.

Sink Swimming She Loves It

 Not long after MJ was born, Clif's coworker also had a baby. He was sharing some pictures, when Clif noticed something odd: the baby went swimming immediately after birth...and not the normal grunge rock album cover style of infant swimming. When asked about it, the coworker explained they go every week and it's good exercise for the baby.

Update: Buoyancy helps reduce the amount of weight suspended from the baby's neck - like how you feel weightless while swimming under water. It is a specially designed inner-tube and it mostly just keeps the baby upright with head above water.

About the same time, Shayne had a reunion with all her classmates from the prenatal classes. They all brought new babies to show off and brag. The teacher asked if any had tried the Chinese swimming yet. Nobody had...

Saturday we put on our brave faces and did it. We went to the store, walked up to the worker, made the international hand signal for "swimming" and pointed at the baby. Before we could blink, MJ was naked with an inner-tube around her neck and swimming circles in a specially built sink! Check out the video:


I know it looks bizarre, and maybe a little cruel. She never cried, screamed or showed signs of anguish. If anything, she totally loved it. She kicked around for about 10 to 15 minutes, which is about how long she's willing to do anything. Then we dressed her up and paid the bill.

I think we'll go back for more, maybe even see if this can be done in our bath tube.

A Farmer and Some Moon Cakes

This past Saturday Clif's work hosted family day.  There were tractors, free dinner* and games for the kiddies so we loaded up our kiddo and headed out. 

First stop was the door prize table. MJ scored a truck that looked suspiciously like a character from the movie Cars. Copyright infringement???  Maybe they got a bargain at the local copy market?

Clif and I got a bag of goodies. I taste tested most of the items.
Here is a quick review:
Puppet: Fishy flavored Styrofoam.
Mystery Candy: It looked liked chocolate covered carmel or toffee on the packaging. It was spit out.
Kitty Sticks: Prawn flavored mini-bread sticks.  Not too bad. 
USA Green "Pers": Dried and/or baked and seasoned peas, probably the best thing I tasted, still not good.

I chose not to try the pork-in-a-bag or the chocolate sucker. China loves to put meat in bags, but for some reason I have no desire to eat meat that has been vacuum sealed with a cartoon pig on the label.

We also got Moon Cakes in honor of Mid-Autumn festival coming up in October.  If you want to learn more about it you can go here: Mid-Autumn Festival or Moon Festival
Moon cakes are basically small round cakes with a filling.  I have been told the filling varies depending on where you are in China.  Traditional to this area is sweetened red bean paste. 

Fancy packaging is popular here.  China does not skimp on good quality boxes for packaging.

 

 

 

 

 

Clif says, "Tastes like Fig Newton." And yes, Clif did eat something with bean in it!

MJ was welcomed with celebrity status.  Clif's co-workers have been earger to meet MJ.  Something about a Western baby draws a crowd.  What is the first thing they say you may be thinking?
1. How old is she? (Side note: Many Chinese babies do not leave the house for a month or longer.)
2. Who is taking care of your wife? (Side side note: Most Chinese have a family member move in with them to take care of the baby while the wife recovers for the first month and then continues to care for the child when the wife returns to work.  Clif has even been scolded for not hiring someone to take care of me)

The night's main attraction was skits put on by each of the groups in Clif's building.

As the night progress I noticed Clif was about the only ISE who got roped into performing.  Even though he failed to attend most of the practices, I would say he made a pretty good farmer, even if his head was a smidge too big for his hat.

MJ Clif and I were getting tired so we ended the night with a family photo-op. 

*We opted for the Western option, spaghetti with mashed potatoes, which is better than the typical western food items Clif has encounter at work i.e. cake wrapped in bread.

Thus Begins the Next Adventure

Oh what an amazing week we've had! I sit here keeping the first night watch while Shayne sleeps, and I'm still in awe. I'm going to start with some pictures.  Keep scrolling if you'd like to read more detail about the craziest morning of our lives.

At least someone is "on target."

"Gerke Baby of Shayne"

It certainly is real, but I don't think the gravity of the situation has sunk in yet. It all started Monday morning....

July 30th, 6:00am: At the top of the hour (almost on the dot) I was awoken to the pitter-patter of Shayne's bare feet on hardwood as she ran to the bathroom. The baby had grown larger and begun to take up more space, such a thing wasn't terribly surprising. I went back to sleep.

6:10am: My alarm went off and it was time to start another work week. I headed for the bathroom to start the day and was greeted by a closed door and the sound of weeping. I asked "Are you ok?"

"I think my water broke."

6:25am: In the kitchen and trying to decide if it really happened....we elected to wait 15 minutes for another sign. I started a pot of coffee. Shayne ran back to the bathroom - yep it really happened. I sent a message to our driver. Due to the language barrier it's best to keep such messages brief. I told him "Come now, baby!" His response (translated via Google translate app) was "OK. i will reach in 30 minute."

Mr. Wang

6:25-6:50am: I ran around the house frantically throwing everything I can find into a suitcase. She wasn't due for another 3 weeks, so our level of preparedness was at about 70%...by 6:50am I increased that to 90%. Shayne started to complain about a little pain, but nothing severe.

Our birthing package came with a "candle lit dinner"

6:50am: My phone buzzes...."I reach now." We went down to the basement car park.

The candle was electronic

6:50am: The first part of our journey was on an express way and Mr. Wang found a way to capitalize the E in Expressway. I started to secretly time how often Shayne complained of pain, seven minutes between contractions. Shayne was still denying it and kept saying things like "we might get there and they send us home." I nodded my head in agreement but knew differently.

~8:00am: Because our van doesn't have a Shanghai license plate, there are certain roads near the hospital which we're not allowed to use during rush hour. Mr. Wang had to find a new way on the surface streets, the ring road was off limits. At every stop light he was looking at a map, I was watching the GPS on my phone as he missed a turn and had to circle back. This was about when Shayne started to moan during contractions and Mr. Wang started watching her in the rear view mirror. The time between contractions dropped to 4-5 minutes.

~8:05am: We got stuck behind a steady stream of at least 100 e-bikes (electric scooters...they're everywhere here). Shayne seriously considered jumping out of the van to yell at the e-bikers to get out of her way.

8:15am: We made it to Shanghai United Family Hospital and proceed to the second floor where the OB/GYN department resides. They told us to go straight to the third floor where a delivery room waited. Shayne had a contraction in the elevator, then we were told to go back down to the second floor. The second floor receptionist got confused and held us in the lobby while she called someone and said something in Mandarin. Shayne had a contraction in the lobby.

8:20am: In the apartment, my coffee machine turned itself off after two hours without any action.

8:35am: Shayne was hooked up to a fetal monitoring machine on the second floor. Baby's heartbeat was stable around 140bpm and contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. They tried to feed us toast, Shayne wasn't interested. A midwife came and announced Shayne was 4cm dilated and we should go back up to the third floor.

Shayne calls this a "milk coma." I'm immature and call it a "boob coma."

8:40am: They kicked someone else out of the delivery room, so we had to wait for it to be cleaned but we made it in. Shayne crawled slowly into bed and I went down to get the suitcase and send Mr. Wang home.

8:40-10:00am: Preparations are made and Shayne's contractions start to come rapid fire. Someone came in and insisted we read a menu and choose something for lunch.

Coming out of the boob coma

 10:00am: Shayne loudly declared she wanted an epidural. The anethesiologist was in the other room administering another epidural...we'd have to wait.

10:15am: The epidural went in, but Shayne only got a half dose because she was 8cm dilated and would be pushing soon.

10:25am: Epidural kicks in and brings sweet relief.

10:35am: Shayne started pushing and the room became instantly full of other people. Two midwives, an obstetrician, a pediatrician and a few nurses.

10:35-10:58am: Shayne pushed and I repeatedly got in trouble by the midwife for trying help.

10:58am: We became proud parents. A baby girl weighing 2.54kg and 47cm long. If you trust me to convert units, that's around 5lb 9oz and 18.5 inches. She came three weeks earlier than expected and is SUPER tiny, but otherwise healthy and self sufficient.

11:45am: They kicked us out the delivery room to let the first lady back in. We passed her in the hallway...she looked relieved to see we were done.

She loves to stick her legs straight up in the air.

 11:50am: Up until this time we hadn't time to think about what was happening. They put us in a private room and shut the door. We sat there looking at each other, finally realizing what happened.